


Incidentals

by saakaat



Category: Ylvis
Genre: Angst, Multi, Sibling Incest, Ylviscest, a mixture of things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-26
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:17:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5288687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saakaat/pseuds/saakaat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a collection of part-written fics that I never bothered to finish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 24 hours in Riga

**Author's Note:**

> In the process of de-cluttering my iPhone notes and google docs, I found a bunch of fic scraps that I started but quickly abandoned (creativity is a fickle mistress, no?). Anyway I thought I'd copy other great Ylvis writers before me and post them all here so you can laugh at my failures! Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: Not proofed. Not edited. Not real.

So much can happen in 24 hours. Bård attempted to process it all has he slipped into the back seat of the idling taxi. In less than 24 hours they flown into Riga, met with the director, fixed some issues with their leading lady, shot a series of scenes in rapid succession and wrapped the entire filming by 11. After celebrating with a a few beers the exhausted crew had disbanded, leaving Bård and his brother free to get back to the hotel. They would be catching the first flight back to Oslo the following morning.

For a second he let his head roll back onto the neck rest behind him. He rubbed his eyes, which were stinging so much that even closing them brought little respite. He was exhausted, but it wasn't the kind of exhaustion which would allow him to curl up in a plush bed and fall into a satisfying slumber. What he felt was a general fatigue, unease. It was no use looking forward to sleep when he knew that in a few short hours he would be up and on the move again. 

The soft click of the door to his right startled him in his sleepy haze, forcing him to lift his heavy head. He could barely make out his brother's profile in dim glow of the nearby street lights, even with the unusual pallor of his skin. Despite vigorous scrubbing, Vegard still hadn't managed to remove all the make up from the day's shooting. Bård could only imagine what his own face looked like; he could still feel the tarry black substance coating his eyebrows. He pushed his hand into his hair and was immediately met with resistance. The stylist had back-combed his hair and secured it with industrial-strength spray and he could barely get his fingers through it. He would need to shower before even contemplating sleep.

The brothers sat in silence as the taxi took them through the streets of Riga. His gaze flickered up to the digital display next to the driver. 11:48. "How is it still the same day?" It was his own voice that cut through the quiet, sounding hoarse and scratchy. Vegard yawned in response, stretching his arms upwards as much as the small space would allow. When he brought his arms down again he splayed his left hand across the empty space between them. The back seat area was dark, and the driver was concentrating on the road ahead, so after a moment of hesitation Bård let his right hand slip down to his side and rest on that of his brother's. Despite the very remote chance of being discovered, he felt Vegard tense beside him, before allowing it to happen. 

It was a foreign feeling, touching his brother in public. Well, of course they touched in public. But those touches were in brief, measured doses which conveyed nothing. They didn't send that jolt through his system like they they once did, in those heady few weeks after they started... This. Over the years they had learnt to keep their mutual desires confined in an area so small it barely occupied any space. They could only unpack and unfold behind the safety of a locked door, behind the anonymity of a numbered room. 

Gone were the days when they would refuse to miss an opportunity, and the fevered passion of slamming his brother against the wall and unleashing hours of pent up lust and longing. They weren't getting any younger, and with the passing of the years their families had grown and their responsibilities along with it. Sometimes the few stolen moments barely seemed worth the effort, and the times they did indulge they didn't hold each other and talk like they used to. These days, it was an effort to stay awake long enough to clean themselves up. 

The situation had improved on tour; live performances invigorated Vegard and he would seek his brother out for adrenaline-fuelled celebrations between the sheets. Yet it was never quite the same as it used to be. Both were familiar with the gnawing guilt that would occasionally creep in and taint the post-orgasmic bliss. But now it seemed Vegard was feeling it more acutely than usual. The euphoric wave could crash and the older brother would withdraw into himself, sometimes even refusing to let Bård touch him afterwards. 

The additional tour dates meant they had to push back on some filming. Although they had completed most of their music videos, they still had intolerant left to film. The schedule disruptions meant that their usual director could not take on the project, so they were forced to look elsewhere. The new director had been brilliant, taking on their ideas and pulling something together they were happy with. Hiring a more expensive director meant cutbacks on costs, which is why their chosen production company recommended shooting the video in Latvia. 

The screen of Vegard's phone lit up, and Bård needed only to glance briefly to see the name that flashed up on the screen. The text from Vegard's wife illuminated the backseat and the two hands pressed together. Vegard reflexively retracted his hand from under Bård's own, grasping the phone with both hands to reply to the message.


	2. The cold side of the pillow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh I quite like this! But I wrote it so long ago I'm not exactly sure where I was going with it... :/

For a few short seconds everything was exactly as it had been. Exactly is it should have been. Vegard's eyes fluttered open, taking those few seconds to take in his surroundings. His eyes adjusted to the dull white light filtering through the voile curtain. It was dawn, he could ascertain that much before his eyelids dropped to shield his unaccustomed retinas. Sunlight, the faltering beams of a rising dawn, never failed to awaken him, no matter what time the sun started its ascent west. Being summer, Vegard quickly ascertained that the hour must be very early indeed. Vegard cursed himself for not having drawn the heavy curtains before bed.

It took just a few seconds more to register his position on the left side of the bed, facing the window. This struck alarm because the left side was always Helene's side. But his wasn't their bed. This wasn't even his hotel room. He sensed a slight movement to his right through his peripheral vision, turning to find himself looking upon his little brother's bare back.  
Oh.

For a few short moments everything was exactly as it had been. Exactly how it could have been, had the pair not acted upon the unrelenting want, the instinctual urge for closeness that pushed them together beyond the remit of societal and moral bounds. In that brief moment when Vegard's eyes fluttered open he cursed the thin beam of light that filtered through the voile curtain as though it were his only concern in the world, everything was right.

He should have known that him and his brother had the same favourite side of the bed. Furthermore, he should have expected his brother to roll him over to the left, pinning him in place with a lingering kiss before collapsing exhausted on his chest. At some point in the night Bård had rolled away and was now lying on his side, away from Vegard.


	3. Consolation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little teen!ylvis fic I started for my friend palebrowneyes. Sorry I didn't finish, Petal. Soon.

Bård was in his bedroom practising chord progressions on his guitar when he heard the front door slam. A quick glance at his watch confirmed that it couldn’t possibly be his parents, who had gone to out with some friends. He deduced it must be Vegard, but what was he doing back so early? He had headed out to a party with his girlfriend, so there was certainly no reason for him to be back at 9.15. Bård silenced the strings with his palm and put the guitar aside, listening for sounds downstairs. 

Someone was stomping around with heavy footsteps. Yep, definitely Vegard. I swear his legs are made of lead Bård thought to himself as the stomping sound ascended the stairs. It was lucky their parents weren’t home, they would certainly reprimand the 19-year-old for wearing his shoes indoors; let alone for the cacophony. The footsteps rang down the corridor, past Bård’s door to the neighbouring room. It was there that Vegard’s door slammed and Bård heard a series of loud crashes which startled him. 

What the fuck was Vegard doing?

Vegard was obviously angry or upset about something and Bård was worried. Out of anything in the world he hated seeing his brother upset. To Bård, his older brother was the very best person in the world. He hadn’t always appreciated him so much, especially in his early teens when they had moved from Africa and Bård had realised just how exceptionally dorky his brother was. But they were older now, and both brothers had found their own way in the world, along with their own separate groups of friends. Yet somehow this brought them closer together, and Bård could never get tired of his brother’s company. 

Bård gingerly approached his brother’s door, debating whether to check in on him. Normally Bård didn’t like to knock on his brother’s door unsolicited. It was an unspoken agreement between the brothers. Despite their closeness, they would only approach each other if their bedroom doors were open. A closed door indicated that privacy was sought. A slammed door indicated that solitude was demanded. However, a final banging sound was accompanied with a tortured howl and a series of expletives. Bård rushed into the room without hesitation. 

Vegard was sprawled on the floor, holding his bloodied right fist to his mouth. He was inhaling sharply, his face red and contorted with pain. Without hesitation Bård sank to the ground, placing his hand on Vegard’s shoulder to indicate his presence. Vegard was quietly issuing expletives, eyes still shut. Bård dipped his head down, close enough to smell the liquor on his brother’s breath as he shushed him quiet. Their parents weren’t home, but there were still neighbours to be considerate of. Bård’s presence seemed to calm the older brother slightly, as he clumsily sat upright and backed up against the divan. Bård sat to face his brother, watching as he opened his eyes and stared to the left of Bård. Vegard looked a little out of it, but otherwise unharmed; his bloodied fist being the notable exception. Bård silently appraised his brother, from his full lips downwards to the neckline of his smart black shirt. Vegard had three buttons undone, revealing a hint of dark chest hair. Bård snapped himself out of it, pulling himself back from the brink. Over the past few months he had become proficient at stopping those thoughts dead. So good, in fact, that it become like a reflex action to him. Like some sort of cognitive conditioning. 

Aware that he had yet to say or do anything constructive, Bård broke the silence. “What did the wall ever do to you?” he joked with an awkward giggle. This earned little in the way of a positive response. Vegard just looked sort of… forlorn. “Do you want me to get you some ice?” he offered, but Vegard silently shook his head, not even deigning to look at his younger brother. After a moment’s silence Bård was starting to feel uncomfortable, unsure of what to do. Although moody at times, Vegard was rarely volatile, hardly ever sad. Closer inspection of Vegard’s eyes found them tinged with red, the whites bloodshot and pink. “Do you want me to leave you alone?” Bård ventured. Bård really felt he should stay with his brother and make sure he didn't do anything else stupid, but he was willing to leave him alone if his absence was desired. He knew Vegard would do the same if the situation was reversed. 

“No”. The tone of Vegard’s voice was so soft, the volume so low, that Bård was initially unsure he had heard him properly. Then their eyes met for the first time. Family members often commented on their innate ability to read one another. Bård didn’t really think anything of it. All he knew was that he could instinctively tell what his brother was thinking just from the look in his eyes. He had responded to the silent invitation to sit closer to Vegard, shuffling beside him before his conscious mind could even begin to compute the request. The position felt awfully uncomfortable to Bård, but he didn’t mind too much as long as he was beside Vegard. He lifted his right arm up to rest on the mattress behind him, feeling his heart flutter slightly as Vegard took the invitation to shift closer. Soon their shoulders were touching, their legs straight out in front of them. 

“Stine finished with me” Vegard mumbled, speech slightly slurred, and all at once Bård felt two conflicting feelings. Worry for his brother and the distress he was obviously in, and an altogether more disconcerting feeling. Relief. He had long since recognised the pattern, though he tried hard not to dwell on the implications. But every time he saw Vegard enjoying the company of another person a little too much a small knot would form in his stomach. The feeling would intensify the closer Vegard got to the rival for Bård's affections. Conversely, he could never fail to recognise the relief he felt when Vegard was back by his side. In those instances that discomfiting knot could disappear as quickly as it was formed. 

Vegard barked a bitter laugh, alarming his younger brother who was still very much lost for words. “You warned me. You never liked her”.

"That's not true" Bård asserted, but the words sounded hollow and unconvincing. Bård couldn’t deny that he’d never exactly been a fan of Stine; and not just because of the space she occupied in Vegard’s life. This wasn’t the first time the girl had dumped poor Vegard. The first time it had happened was the first time Bård had seen Vegard in such a state of vulnerability. He was surprised at the ferocity of the anger upon seeing his brother so upset. At that moment he didn't even feel gleeful that the relationship was over; that of course would come later. Instead it was gut-wrenching distress that Vegard had been made to feel anything but less than the wonderful, kind and brilliant person he was. How dare anyone make him feel so low?

He hadn't heard it from Vegard directly, that first time. He had overheard his brother mentioning it to his mother over the breakfast table. He had remained unseen as he collected himself, working out what he would say, if anything at all. Of course by the time he joined them and received the news first-hand he had had time to fashion a response to convey his uncontained glee that Vegard had broken up with the wretched girl. Unfortunately the separation wasn't permanent. Later than very same day Vegard had reunited with her, and Bård’s earlier words felt rash and foolish. 

So he didn’t say anything bad about Stine any more. Though that wasn’t to say he thought any better of her. It was impossible to think any less of a girl who took advantage of his brother's generosity and openly criticised him in front of his friends. Maybe love truly was blind, because Vegard simply didn't see what was so obvious to his younger brother. 

"So, what happened?" Bård asked awkwardly. He had debated in his mind whether he should ask at all. The brothers never discussed these kinds of things. In fact, the very thought of talking with Vegard about his own love life made him cringe. He imagined it was the same for Vegard. He certainly didn't want to think of Vegard with anyone else. Touching and kissing someone else, loving someone else. 

"She was cheating on me" he finally spat after a long pause. 

"Oh" 

"Yes. Oh" Vegard muttered. The hand that lay between his leg balled into a fist. 

"So, she told you?" Bård debated internally whether pushing for details would worsen his brother’s state of mind, but he was curious to know what had happened. He concluded that his brother's inebriated state would lead him to be open about what was usually a no-go subject for the pair. 

"We had plans. But when I went to pick her up her brother said she wasn't home. This isn't unusual. Sometimes she is late, or forgets" Vegard explained. Bård narrowed his eyes, failing to understand how his brother could stand to be treated so disrespectfully. "But before he closed the door again I heard her laughing from the living room. I peeked in through the window and she was with some other guy. They were kissing". 

"Oh, Vegard..." Bård brought the hand on the bed around his brother's shoulders, squeezing him slightly. He hoped to give some small measure of comfort, but it seemed Vegard didn't notice. 

"So I knocked on the window" he continued with a small tremor in his voice. "She came to the door and said it was over. For good".

"That's all she said? No other explanation?"

"Well, no. Not exactly" Vegard shifted slightly so he was facing the other side of the room, away from Bård. "She told me she was with someone else, and that compared to him I was pathetic".

Bård's jaw dropped at the revelation, and he felt his own hand balling into a fist in an action mirroring his brother.

He didn't want to offer some false, sickly consolation. He wanted to make Vegard feel better. He wanted him to feel good. That yearning for closeness, whenever granted, felt like warmth spreading from his core to his extremities. Since he first became aware of it he had felt it more acutely, in varying degrees depending on their proximity.


	4. The club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi fandom, I've missed you! I have literally had no time to write, which sucks! I have a few awesomeo ideas in the pipeline though (Gen and slash, though I promise I'll clearly indicate which is which ofc). Anyway here is a short dirty thing I wrote for my friends. Because friendship is everything <3

“I have been waiting to get my hands on you all day”, Bård whispered hoarsely into his brother’s ear. As if to demonstrate the point, he planted his palms flat against Vegard’s chest, pushing him hard against the solid surface. He thought against his instinct to push back; after all, space was extremely limited. Instead he reached behind himself, testing the integrity of the locked door. After all, it was the only physical barrier between them and approximately 160 sleeping passengers. 

He shook away the fear of discovery, redirecting his attention to the gorgeous man standing before him. The hands pressed against Vegard’s chest made a slow ascend down his torso, and the older man could already feel the inevitable rise. His veins were practically thrumming with the delicious anticipation of what was to come. Calloused fingers skimmed beneath the hem of his white t-shirt, tantalisingly close to the waistband of his jeans. But Vegard tried not to focus too much on his brother’s actions, lest the suspense become too much for him. Instead he stared deeply into those beautiful blue eyes, initiating a silent exchange of lust, love and longing that conveyed more than any words ever could. 

“You really want to do this here?” Vegard verbalised, though he already knew the answer to that question. Once Bård set on something, he would not be satisfied until he saw it through to completion. In response, Bård simply leaned in and uttered filthy sentiments as he nimbly opened the fly of his lover’s jeans. Vegard swallowed, more aroused than ever. He had a feeling that ‘completion’ would come sooner rather than later. 

They had talked about it just that morning, entangled in crisp cotton bed sheets and luxuriating in the afterglow of a particularly steamy pillow session. Bård had propped himself up on his elbow, staring down at Vegard, who lay naked and prone atop the covers. “I’m going to blow you on the plane” Bård had announced, calmly and almost matter-of-factly.

“Is that so?” Vegard had mumbled into his pillow, smiling. Satisfied and spent, he closed his eyes and felt sleep start to pull him in. 

“I’m serious!” Bård announced. “I mean, I’m surprised we’ve never done it before. I mean, don’t you want to be a member of the ‘mile-high club’?

Vegard huffed out an amused chuckle, not bothering to open his eyes. “I’m a pilot. That’s a pretty elite ‘mile-high club’”. 

“What? You’re a pilot? Why didn’t I know this?” Bård murmured sarcastically. Vegard ignored him, confident that his brother would soon settle down so they could enjoy the last few precious hours alone cocooned in blissful slumber. “Trust me, it’s going to happen” Bård added, punctuating the sentence with a yawn before he too fell asleep. 

“I told you I would” Bård whispered, palming his brother’s erection through his tight, dark denim of his pants. Vegard let out an involuntary, guttural moan, which was immediately pacified by a slow, filthy kiss. Although it was a night flight and all the passengers had been asleep when they escaped to the facilities, there was still a chance that ‘untoward’ sounds could alert someone to their presence in that tiny cubicle.  
And it really was tiny. Even through the fog of lust that clouded his vision, Vegard could not fail to notice that their current location provided inadequate floorspace for what his brother intended to do to him. Yet as Bård started to kneel, tugging free Vegard’s erection in the process, the older brother no longer pondered the logistics. It was easy to forget the whys and wherefores as his brother looked up at him, impish grin on his face. Vegard felt the warmth of his brother’s breath and the slender fingers ghosting along the soft skin of his cock. But he wanted more. So much more. 

“Suck it, please” Vegard whispered desperately. In response his brother’s eyes fluttered shut, and the tip of his pink tongue darted out to probe the rock-hard shaft. He looked up once again, staring up intently as he opened his mouth wide to finally grant his brother what he had been promising all day…

Vegard awoke with a start, hearing the quiet footfall of someone brush past him. A steward in a crisp navy blazer disappeared behind the curtain in front of him. He looked around disoriented to the figures sleeping around him. He turned his attention to the man beside him. Bård had put his seat completely horizontal, and he had cocooned himself in the soft blanket given to him upon take off. Vegard’s dick throbbed within the confines of his jeans, causing him to squirm in discomfort. He resented the sight of his brother sleeping so peacefully. He wondered if he was dreaming, just like Vegard had been. He ventured to find out.

He reached under the soft fabric, slowly reaching further until his hand rested on his sleeping brother’s groin. He squeezed and coaxed until he felt his brother grow beneath his palm.  
Although still asleep, Bård’s body responded to Vegard’s attentions, and hips were bucking lightly into Vegard’s waiting hand. Eyes fluttered open slowly, and the look on Bård’s face as he became aware of his brother’s actions would have been comical had Vegard not been so aroused.

“Wh- Vegard” Bård muttered, sleepily.

Vegard shushed his brother. He then leaned in whispered in his lover’s ear. 

“I’m ready to join the club”.


End file.
